


How you get the girl

by onebigroughdraft



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/F, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 20:55:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8224570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onebigroughdraft/pseuds/onebigroughdraft
Summary: Lexa would really like to prevent a "one that got away" situation, which sometimes means standing in the rain, hoping the girl you love opens the door so you can beg for a second chance.orThe Clexa one-shot based on Taylor Swift's How You Get the Girl





	

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is dedicated to my very best friend, whom I love very dearly.

_Stand there like a ghost, shaking from the rain, she'll open up the door, and say are you insane?_

* *

Popcorn.

It was a bag of fucking _popcorn_.

All of a sudden Lexa felt exhausted.

She stared despondently at the bag of fallen treats, letting out a sigh as she grabbed her phone from the counter. She lingered at the passcode for a second, before unlocking her phone and hitting the second contact in her favorites list.

She let out another sigh as she sat down on one of the stools in her kitchen that she barely used (well, not anymore, not for at least six months, a traitorous voice whispered in the back of her head), waiting for her best friend to answer.

“Hello?”

Lexa dropped the phone on the counter, hitting the speaker button as her best friend’s voice echoed around her empty apartment. 

“I spilled my popcorn.”

“O…kay?”

Lexa let out a huff, dropping her head onto the counter.

“I’m standing in the kitchen and I spilled my fucking popcorn and it made me fucking sad because I miss her,” she said, her words coming out so fast she was sure she was mumbling.

The other end of the phone was silent for a few seconds before Lexa heard her best friend sigh.

“And you got all of this from spilled popcorn?” Anya asked.

“It’s like nothing works without her,” Lexa said, looking up towards her living room. Her eyes caught on a particular frame—one she couldn’t bring herself to take down.

“It’s been six months, Lex,” Anya said.

“I know how long it’s been,” Lexa replied.

“You were the one who broke it off,” her best friend continued.

Lexa scowled at the phone, swiping it off the counter and putting it to her ear.

“I _know_ that,” she said tersely, before sighing again. “Sorry, I just—I miss her.”

“Well you shouldn’t have broken up with her then,” Anya pointed out.

“We didn’t break up,” Lexa countered.

“Oh right,” Anya drawled, and Lexa knew what her best friend was about to say was the same thing she’s been saying for the past six months. “You didn’t break up because you were never _officially_ together, which was the whole problem, wasn’t it?”

Lexa was silent, knowing her best friend was right.

She had been the one who couldn’t commit.

And she may have possibly let the best thing that ever happened to her slip through her fingers.

“—xa! Hey! Kid!”

Lexa startled at the sound of Anya’s voice, realizing she had zoned out again.

“Sorry, what?” she asked, swiping her hand down her face and shaking her head a bit.

“I said, you’ve been miserable for months,” Anya repeated. “When are you gonna do something about it?”

Lexa sighed again, slouching down in her seat.

“There’s nothing I can do, Anya,” she replied. “Clarke doesn’t want to see me.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Anya responded. “Clarke loves you.”

“And I broke her heart,” Lexa countered, feeling a deep pain in her chest at the words she had finally spoken aloud. “She loved me and I broke her heart.”

“So go fix it then,” Anya said. “Go put it back together.”

“How?” Lexa asked, shaking her head slightly.

“I don’t have all the answers Lex,” her best friend said. “But I do know that you won’t fix it by sitting on your ass in your empty apartment, staring at spilled popcorn like an idiot.”

Lexa let out a laugh, once again fully appreciating Anya. She had been there for Lexa since they were kids—and she was also the first person to tell Lexa to get her shit together.

“Now woman the fuck up, Lexa,” Anya said. “And go get your girl.”

Lexa took a deep breath. “Right, ok. I’m going to get the girl,” she said, voice rising. She stood up, nodding her head despite knowing Anya couldn’t actually see her. “I’m going to find Clarke and tell her I’m sorry.”

“There you go, Lex!”

“And I’m going to tell her I love her!”

“Even better!”

“And ask her to move in with me because I never want to be away from her again!”

“Yes, exact—wait, what? Lexa no, don’t—”

Lexa ended the call, eyes ablaze with determination and her heart pounding. She stuffed her phone in the pocket of her pants, before buttoning her shirt all the way back up and readjusted her tie. She ran to her front door, grabbing her keys and jacket from the hook before leaving her apartment in a flurry.

It was time to get her girl. 

* *

**_One Year Ago_ **

Lexa slumped into her seat, groaning as she closed her eyes. She relished in the chance to finally rest her feet as she loosened her tie and unbuttoned her collar, stretching her arms above her head as she let out a yawn.

She had been standing all day, walking around the board room making sure everything was in place for her big presentation the next day.

“Yo Commander, how’s it going?”

Lexa opened her eyes, seeing her sports editor standing in her doorway. She gave a tired smile, waving her friend in from where she was sitting.

Octavia grinned, walking into the room and sitting in the seat across from Lexa’s desk.

“What are you doing here so late?” Lexa asked.

Octavia tapped the tiny replica bobble head of Lexa that Anya had given her when she had made Editor-In-Chief, and both let out a chuckle as the figure’s head swung up and down.

“Well, I had just finished finalizing the layout for the sports section and sent it to publishing when I walked past and saw our fearless leader was still in here worrying about her big presentation to the board tomorrow,” Octavia said, quirking an eyebrow at her friend. “Even though there’s no reason for you to be nervous.”

“We’re talking about a whole new look to the paper,” Lexa countered, unbuttoning her sleeves and worked on rolling them to her forearms. “The board might not go for it.”

“The board will love it because it’s awesome,” Octavia replied, shaking her head. “Seriously, this is a great vision you have for us and they’d be dumb not to see that.”

Lexa smiled softly at her friend, thankful once again for the day Octavia started working here.

The two of them had started at Polis Magazine at nearly the same time—straight out of college. Lexa had immediately gained respect for Octavia when she witnessed the other girl completely demolish one of their male coworkers who had made misogynistic comments towards Octavia for being a sports beat writer.

(And seriously, it’s the 21st century—women are doing it for themselves now.)

Lexa had been prepared to step in, having heard all of the criticisms and blatant whispers behind her back every time she shared her goal of becoming the Editor-In-Chief of a prominent, well-established magazine, when Octavia had calmly looked up from her laptop, and without even moving an inch, delivered the most epic verbal beat down Lexa had ever had the privilege of witnessing.

And that was saying something, because Lexa has been best friends with Anya since third grade.

After that, Lexa and Octavia became more than just coworkers—they became friends. There had always been an underlying respect for one another, being two of a small number of women in a predominantly male field of work, but that mutual respect had grown to trust, and eventually, friendship.

“Now, how about you come out to dinner with me and Linc,” Octavia continued, standing up and grabbing her bag. “You’ve been working too hard. You need a nice relaxing night out with some friends.”

Lexa frowned, gesturing to the growing pile of papers on her desk. “I really should—”

“That wasn’t me asking,” Octavia interrupted. “That was me telling you that you are coming to dinner with me and Lincoln. Now come on, he’s already waiting at the restaurant.”

Lexa chuckled, used to her friend’s brash personality. It was one of the things she had come to admire Octavia for—her fearlessness.

“Ok, ok,” she said, standing up and grabbing her jacket and bag. She threw her jacket over her shoulder and slung her laptop case around her other one, looking at her desk one last time to make sure she had everything she needed for the meeting tomorrow, before following Octavia out the door. 

“But you’re buying,” Lexa said, nudging her friend with her shoulder as the two made their way to the elevators.

Octavia let out a laugh, before nodding her head.

“Since my boyfriend is but a humble graduate student, then yes—I will pay,” Octavia said, but Lexa noticed the softening in her friend’s eyes and the easy smile on her face when she mentioned her boyfriend.

The two walked to the parking lot together, having an easy conversation about the story Octavia was working on featuring a woman who was the top goal scorer in soccer history—both men and woman.

“She’s super badass,” Octavia said as they reached Lexa’s car. “And I want to be her when I grow up.”

Lexa snorted as the two slid into their seats. “I’ve seen you play soccer at the company picnic,” she said, starting her car up and backing out of her space. “If I didn’t know you regularly steal my shoes, I would think you have two left feet.”

“Ok, first of all, rude,” Octavia said, fiddling with the radio until she found a station she was satisfied with. “And second of all, I was recovering from a cold that day. I am a _superb_ athlete.”

Lexa shook her head, but knew that Octavia actually was a pretty good athlete—in anything that wasn’t soccer, though. Soccer was probably Octavia’s only weakness.

That, and shoes.

The two bickered like old friends do all the way to the restaurant, before Octavia scrambled out of the passenger seat as soon as Lexa had parked the car. Lexa just laughed, following her friend into the restaurant. She knew that Octavia was just excited to see her boyfriend—Lincoln had been working on a group project for the past few weeks, so despite living together they hadn’t gotten to spend too much time with one another.

“There he is,” Octavia said, heading to the right.

Lexa looked up, spotting Lincoln sitting at a table.

But he wasn’t alone.

And then Lexa felt her feet suddenly start to feel strange, as if she had kicked the back of her foot with the front of the other one. Her heart started to pound faster as she took in the sight of the blonde haired girl sitting next to Lincoln, the two of them laughing at something.

“Griff! My most favorite person in the entire world!” Octavia exclaimed, squealing as the blonde haired girl stood up and Octavia launched herself into the girl’s arms.

Lexa approached the table with her mouth feeling very dry, eyes unmoving from the apparent goddess that Octavia was currently hugging.

And then Octavia released the stranger, and Lexa swears she had never seen eyes as blue and beautiful as the ones the other girl had.

“Holy shit,” Lexa let out under her breath.

She was barely aware of Octavia greeting Lincoln, before the couple turned to Lexa. 

“This is my very best friend in the entire world and also the light of my life, Clarke Griffin,” Octavia said, throwing the arm not currently around Lincoln’s waist around the other girl’s. “She and Lincoln are in the same grad program, working on becoming famous artists so they can jointly support my shoe obsession.”

Clarke—Lexa had a name now, and she just knew that this girl with the beautiful blue eyes and seemingly ethereal blonde hair was someone special—just chuckled, before sticking her hand out to Lexa.

“Hi, I’m Clarke,” the blonde haired girl said, and Lexa nearly swooned on the spot at the sound of her voice, deeper than she had imagined but somehow exactly perfect. “Octavia’s told me all about you. It’s so nice to meet you.”

Lexa reached out to shake Clarke’s hands, reveling in the softness of the other girl’s palm. There were specks of paint littering the other girl’s fingers, something Lexa suddenly found incredibly cute.

“Hi,” Lexa said back, shaking Clarke’s hand. “You have the most beautiful eyes.”

Clarke laughed, taking her hand back slowly as a slight shade of red crept up her neck.

Lexa absolutely knew she wanted to hear that laugh again.

“Whoa, Commander’s brought her A-game out tonight,” Octavia quipped, Lincoln chuckling and shaking his head knowingly.

Lexa, for her part, just smiled her most charming smile at Clarke.

This was the natural part for her—she didn’t have a whole lot of time to date, especially with her work schedule. Most of the time she had dates they started with her charming the girl, throwing a smile their way that Anya had dubbed the “panty-dropper smile”, and the night ended with a one-night stand in her apartment.

Lexa knew what to do when a pretty girl was involved.

And Clarke certainly was a pretty girl.

(She was probably the hottest girl Lexa had ever seen too, but that’s the kind of stuff Lexa would save for later—when they were in a more intimate setting.)

* *

“Clarke, would you like to get a cup of coffee with me?” Lexa asked, ignoring Octavia and Lincoln who were sharing a piece of cake they had ordered from the dessert menu.

Lexa had been absolutely enamored with Clarke all throughout dinner, learning more about the blonde haired girl and her history with Octavia.

They had met in third grade—the two had known one another as long as Lexa has known Anya. 

Some boy named Oliver Freck had picked up Clarke’s drawing and torn it in half, calling it ugly.

Octavia, who had been sitting a seat away from Clarke, had immediately stood up and launched herself at the bully, getting in a few good hits before the teacher pulled them apart.

Clarke, deathly afraid the girl who had just defended her would get in trouble, told the teacher that Oliver had started the fight and Octavia was just acting in self-defense. Raven—the girl that had been sitting in between Octavia and Clarke—backed up Clarke’s story, and since Clarke was certainly one of the teacher’s favorites and most well-behaved student, believed the story and Octavia was let off with a warning to find a teacher if someone tried to pick a fight while Oliver Freck was sent to the principal’s office and forced to pick up trash during lunch for an entire week.

Clarke, Octavia and Raven had become best friends that day—and had been with each other ever since.

“Right now?” Clarke asked.

Lexa nodded her head, eager to spend more time with the other girl.

“You have coffee right in front of you,” Clarke commented, quirking an eyebrow as she looked pointedly at the cup of coffee Lexa had ordered instead of dessert.

Lexa looked down to realize she did, indeed, have a fresh cup sitting in front of her. Ignoring Octavia and Lincoln’s snickers, she deftly grabbed the mug from the table and reached over, pouring half of the cup in Octavia’s water cup, and the other half in Lincoln’s.

She put the mug down, once again ignoring Octavia and Lincoln’s complaints, before turning back to Clarke who had an amused smile on her face.

“It seems I’m in need of a new coffee,” Lexa said, standing up and grabbing her jacket from the back of her chair. “There’s a place down the street from here, and I would love for you to join me.”

She put on her jacket, and watched with a satisfied smirk as Clarke’s gaze trailed from her very expensive shoes up Lexa’s outfit, pausing at the suspenders peaking out from the jacket and the tie Lexa had readjusted earlier, before blue finally met green.

Lexa held her hand out, raising her eyebrow in question.

Clarke’s blue eyes sparkled as she took the offered hand, standing up and grabbing her bag and coat from the chair next to her.

“Lexa is giving me a ride home,” Clarke said to her friends, never taking her eyes off of Lexa’s.

Lexa smirked, nodding her head to Clarke’s unspoken question, before leading Clarke towards the exit.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Octavia called after them, laughter in her voice.

Lexa tangled her fingers with Clarke’s as they exited the restaurant, excitement rushing through her body as the two walked towards the coffee shop.

Still got it, Woods, Lexa thought to herself as she felt Clarke give their joined hands a squeeze.

* *

_Say it's been a long six months, and you were too afraid to tell her what you want_

* *

**BAM BAM BAM**

Lexa stood on the front porch of the house she hadn’t been to in six months but had passed on days she opted to take the long way home from work, just so she could drive by and pretend like maybe Clarke was there waiting for her like she had been those months ago.

Rain poured around her as Lexa swiped a hand down her face, trying to wipe away the rain that was blurring her vision.

In her haste to get to Clarke, she hadn’t noticed it was about to rain, and just as she had parked in front of Clarke’s house and gotten out of the car, the skies started to pour. Armed with only her suit jacket she had grabbed on her way out, she ran to the front door and rang the doorbell.

Nobody answered, so she rang it again.

No answer.

Lexa banged her first against the door, hoping Clarke would hear the knocking over the rain that was pounding against the house.

Lexa sighed, resting her head against the door before taking a step back and looking up at the window she knew Clarke’s bedroom was.

“Clarke!”

The wind howled around her as she hit her fist against Clarke’s door again.

“Clarke! Please!”

No answer.

“I know you don’t want to see me but please! Clarke! I—”

The door suddenly swung open, almost making Lexa lose her balance. 

Lexa blinked a few times, trying to clear the rain away from her eyes as the door opened to reveal Clarke—her beautiful, wonderful, Clarke.

For the first time in six months, Clarke stood in front of Lexa—hair thrown up in a messy bun, glasses perched on her nose, oversized sweater covered in paint stains and sweatpants on.

Lexa had never seen anything more beautiful in her entire life.

“Clarke,” she breathed out, staring as Clarke crossed her arms across her chest, a scowl on her face.

“Are you insane?!” Clarke asked, shouting to be heard over the rain.

“Clarke! I need to talk to you, please,” Lexa pleaded, voice competing with the wind that had started howling.

“Jesus Lexa—just come inside before you catch pneumonia,” Clarke yelled, opening her door wider and taking a step back. 

Lexa—finally realizing how cold she actually was—shivered, nodding her head as she took the few steps into Clarke’s house.

She heard Clarke close the door behind her, before the other girl walked down the hallway and around the corner where Lexa knew the closet with spare towels was.

Lexa looked around at the tiny house, taking in the familiar sights around her.

The paintings that hung on the walls—pieces by Clarke, a couple from Lincoln, and even a few from the blonde haired girl’s other art friends.

Picture frames filled with smiling faces—all people Lexa recognized as having an important part in Clarke’s life.

Pictures of Octavia and Raven, pictures of Jake and Abby Griffin, of Clarke’s other friends who Lexa had been introduced to awhile ago such as Bellamy, Monty and Jasper. 

But she wasn’t in any of the pictures.

Lexa scanned the room, looking for the familiar frames that had held pictures of the two of them together.

The one most notably missing was the one that had been featured on the mantel above Clarke’s fireplace—a picture of Clarke, laughing as Lexa kissed her cheek, the two radiating happiness.

“Here,” Clarke said, and Lexa was startled out of her thoughts as the artist reappeared, holding a towel and a spare pair of sweats and a sweater.

Lexa looked at the familiar clothes—Clarke’s Berkeley sweater back from her college days. She had worn it often during the six months they had been together—sort of together.

“Thank you,” Lexa said softly, taking the offered clothes and towel.

“I just don’t want you to get sick,” Clarke replied, once again crossing her arms across her chest.

Lexa recognized the habit—Clarke did that when she was nervous or angry.

Lexa could only hope Clarke was the former, but she was almost one hundred percent certain it was the latter.

Especially considering they hadn’t spoken in the past six months.

Not since that night.

“You can change in the bathroom,” Clarke said, before turning around and looking at the fire she had started in the fireplace.

Lexa nodded her head even though Clarke was no longer facing her, before making her way down the familiar path to the bathroom. She paused slightly at Clarke’s bedroom door, remembering the last time she was here.

Clarke hadn’t suggested that Lexa change in the bathroom—the two of them had been in Clarke’s bedroom, together.

She made it to the bathroom and shut the door, sitting down heavily on the side of the tub.

Sighing, she removed her wet clothes, toweling her hair off as best as she could before slipping on Clarke’s familiar clothes. She inhaled Clarke’s scent—one she had not smelled in six months—before standing up and looking at herself in the mirror.

“Woman up,” Lexa’s reflection said, and she gave a decisive nod before opening the bathroom door and making her way back into the living room.

Clarke was still standing next to the fireplace, her arms crossed and eyes clothes.

“Thank you,” Lexa said again, startling Clarke as the other girl jumped slightly, opening her eyes.

Clarke just nodded, and the room was quiet once more, the only sound coming from the rain pounding against the house as the storm raged on outside.

Lexa ached to hold Clarke in her arms. For the first time in six months, Lexa felt her shoulders relax—just being in the same space as Clarke had that effect on her. 

“What are you doing here, Lexa?” Clarke finally asked, shoulders slouching.

Lexa could hear the tiredness in Clarke’s voice, and wondered if the same sleeplessness that had been plaguing Lexa for the past six months had gotten to Clarke too.

She felt like the space between them was more than the few feet that physically separated her and Clarke right now.

“I miss you,” Lexa finally said, feeling a weight lift from her chest after saying it out loud. “I really, really miss you, Clarke.”

Clarke was silent for a few seconds, but for Lexa it felt like minutes.

“You can’t just show up here because you miss me,” Clarke finally said, voice a little hoarse.

“I don’t—I can’t—Clarke,” Lexa continued, shaking her head. She took one step closer to Clarke, noticing the other girl was watching her with guarded eyes.

Lexa’s relief at being closer to Clarke turned to shame when she remembered she was the reason for those guarded eyes.

“Clarke,” Lexa said, saying the other girl’s name with reverence. She loved saying Clarke’s name. 

Clarke remained unmoved, arms crossed and shoulders raised in defense.

“Six months ago, I was too afraid to tell you what I wanted,” Lexa continued, trying to organize the thoughts floating around in her head. “And I just—I’m sorry, Clarke.”

She saw Clarke release a breath, as if she had been holding it this whole time.

Lexa could feel her eyes starting to water, and she felt her a lump form in her throat. 

“Clarke,” she said again, letting out a pained laugh. 

There was nothing funny about the situation, but she started thinking about the start, the middle, and the horrible end—and the moment only half an hour ago when she realized she had never wanted an end, not really.

“It’s been a long six months.”

* *

_Remind her how it used to be_

* *

**_Ten months ago_ **

“Yes! Winner winner chicken dinner!”

Lexa groaned, letting the golf club she was holding fall to the ground.

“You totally hustled me,” she said, scowling at Clarke’s triumphant smile.

Clarke shrugged, resting the golf club across her shoulders. “I did no such thing,” the artist replied. “You asked if I’ve ever played _top_ golf before, and I haven’t. I didn’t say I’ve never played golf before.”

“It was implied!” Lexa argued, but nevertheless smiled at Clarke’s little dance shuffle back towards the table Lexa was currently sitting at. 

The two were at top golf—a new place that had recently opened up, where dart-like targets were spread across a driving range, and different targets were worth different points. Lexa had thought it would be a good place to take Clarke—it was fun, especially at nighttime when the targets were lit up, and the place had good food.

Also, Lexa was the shit at golf.

But apparently Clarke could hold her own when it came to the driving range.

So Lexa’s plan to impress Clarke with her seemingly random golf skills hadn’t exactly worked out.

“How are you this good?” Lexa asked as Clarke sat down next to her, taking a bite of the nachos the two had decided to share.

Clarke shrugged, taking a sip of water before answering. “My mom and I used to play golf all the time when I was in middle school and high school,” she said. “We didn’t have the easiest time connecting when I was younger, not like my dad and I.”

“Oh?” Lexa asked, leaning forward so she could be closer to Clarke.

Everything about this girl seemed to pull Lexa in—every word, every punctuation, every inflection.

Clarke was like a sentence Lexa had no desire to see end.

“Yeah, my dad and I are both more of the dreamers, I’d say,” Clarke continued, unaware of Lexa’s internal musings (that she would never share with anyone, especially Anya, because she was certain Anya would just about die laughing and never let her live it down). “And my mom is more of a realist. My parents really balance each other out, but my head was sort of always in the clouds and my mom wanted me to come back down for a little bit.”

Lexa let her hand fall from the table to Clarke’s leg, tapping a little beat there that had Clarke smiling.

“So how did golf play into this?” Lexa asked, continuing the rhythm against Clarke’s leg.

“My dad suggested it,” the other girl said. “My mom loves to golf when she has any free time, and so one day I went out to the driving range with her, and hitting the golf ball was sort of therapeutic. And ever since then, it’s sort of become our thing.”

“That’s great that you’re so close with your parents,” Lexa said sincerely, giving Clarke’s leg a soft squeeze. “Seriously.”

Clarke smiled then, before leaning closer and giving Lexa a soft kiss, lingering at the corner of her mouth.

“You’re sweet,” she said, pulling away slightly.

Lexa chuckled, feeling her face heat up as Clarke placed another quick kiss on her cheek—though she wasn’t sure why. This certainly wasn’t the first time a girl had kissed her in public, and she’s sure it won’t be the last. 

Why was Clarke making her feel like her heart was going to beat out of its chest?

Lexa gave Clarke’s leg another squeeze, before channeling the smooth, charming Lexa that she usually brought out during a date.

“Why Miss Griffin, I’ll have you know that I don’t kiss on the first date,” Lexa finally said, gasping dramatically before taking a sip of her water.

Clarke laughed then—full and loud, and Lexa smiled around her cup at the sound.

“I don’t think that rule applies anymore after you have amazing sex the first night you meet,” Clarke said, voice low in Lexa’s ear.

Lexa choked on her water as Clarke laughed again, rubbing soft, small circles against Lexa’s back.

“Also, this is technically our fifth date,” Clarke continued, seemingly unperturbed with Lexa’s reaction. 

“You’re trouble, Griffin,” Lexa said after she had caught her breath.

“You want to see how much trouble we can get into together?” Clarke asked, leaning closer to Lexa and whispering in her ear. 

Lexa jumped when she felt Clarke’s teeth nibbling on her earlobe.

Lexa held her hand up to get the waitress’ attention, her voice coming out an octave higher than usual.

“Check please!”

* *

“There’s no time to make a sauce, Eric! You have twenty seconds left!”

Lexa chuckled, pulling the girl sitting in front of her in closer to her chest. Her arms rested over Clarke’s shoulders, while the artist rested her head against Lexa’s chest. Their connected hands were waving in the air as Clarke became more animated as the time expired on the clock.

“I swear, Chopped is responsible for at least sixty percent of my stress level,” Clarke said, sighing as she snuggled back further into Lexa, tilting her head up to look at the girl behind her.

Lexa laughed, dropping a kiss on Clarke’s forehead as the artist closed her eyes, a soft smile on her face.

“You’re so cute I can’t stand it sometimes,” Lexa stated. “Also, hot.”

She felt Clarke laugh against her chest, and she smiled, burying her face in the side of Clarke’s neck.

“Always the charmer, my girlfriend is,” Clarke teased, tapping Lexa on the thigh with her fingers.

Lexa stiffened at those words, and Clarke must have felt it, because she sat up and turned around to face the other girl.

“Lexa?”

“Girlfriend?”

“Oh…I’m sorry Lex, it just sort of slipped out,” Clarke said sheepishly, running her fingers through her hair. “I just…I thought that was sort of where we were heading. It’s been a few months since we’ve started seeing each other.”

Lexa gulped, suddenly feeling panic welling up in her chest. 

“I just…don’t you think it’s kind of soon for that?” Lexa asked weakly. “Girlfriend is a…strong label.”

Clarke was silent, gaze unwavering from Lexa, before she finally blinked.

“So…what are we then?” Clarke asked.

Lexa felt her heart beating faster, not quite sure how to respond. This wasn’t the first time a girl had asked Lexa that—but it was the first time she hesitated with automatically responding with her go-to “having fun” answer.

Usually when a girl asked that question, Lexa knew it was time to cut and run.

Clarke is the first girl that made her pause.

It terrified Lexa.

“I think…” Lexa said, trying to figure out the right thing to say. “I think we should just see where this goes.”

“See where this goes,” Clarke repeated, raising her eyebrow.

“I’ve been having a lot of fun with you, Clarke,” Lexa continued. “And I don’t want that to stop.”

And that was the absolute truth.

Lexa _has_ been having fun with Clarke.

She’s never been with a girl like Clarke before.

The artist was beautiful, yes—possibly the most beautiful girl Lexa had ever seen.

But it was more than that.

Clarke was smart, and funny, and real and genuine.

And Lexa really did like her.

Which is why she wasn’t sure what compelled her to say what she said next.

“I just don’t really do relationships,” she explained. “I don’t really have…time to be in a committed relationship, with work being so crazy and I just…I think it’s fair for you to know that up front.”

Clarke was silent, the other girl staring at her with unblinking eyes, and it made Lexa nervous.

“So you want to date casually then,” Clarke said. “That’s fine.”

Lexa let out a breath of relief knowing Clarke wasn’t ending whatever they were doing right there on the spot.

The ring of the doorbell interrupted the ensuing silence, and Lexa stood up, glad for the interruption. Before she could reach the door though, they heard the lock click and it swung open, revealing Raven, Octavia and Lincoln.

“We have arrived,” Raven announced unnecessarily.

“I gave you that key for emergencies only,” Clarke said, standing up and joining Lexa. 

Lexa—feeling like their conversation was ended abruptly—cautiously wrapped her arm around Clarke’s waist, itching to just be closer to the other girl. She felt something in her chest click in place when instead of shying away from her touch, Clarke leaned further into Lexa’s side.

“This was an emergency,” Octavia replied, quirking her eyebrow at Lexa as she took in the way the two were standing next to one another.

It mirrored the way she was standing with Lincoln.

“We’re starving and we ordered the pizza to come to this house,” Octavia continued, walking further into the house and dropping onto the couch.

“Why?” Clarke asked.

Raven followed Octavia and plopped down next to the other girl, lifting her left leg up and resting it on top of the coffee table, letting out a soft groan.

“It’s movie night, remember?” Lincoln reminded the artist, holding up two bottles of wine as a peace offering.

Clarke just sighed, before turning and giving Lexa a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Take those to the kitchen please?” she asked, and Lexa nodded her head, taking the bottles from Lincoln with a smile.

She and Lincoln walked towards the kitchen while Clarke joined her friends on the couch, her fingers deftly unbuckling Raven’s leg brace with practiced ease.

“Rae, stay over tonight so I can give you a massage before bed and in the morning,” Lexa heard Clarke say.

She smiled, loving how Clarke treated her friends—the artist treated them like they were family. Especially Octavia and Raven—the three of them had a bond unlike anything Lexa had ever seen before, and it was actually a little humbling, to say the least.

Raven was Clarke’s other best friend—she had met her when Raven had stopped by the office to pick up Octavia for lunch one day. She had waited with Raven while Octavia was finishing up with a meeting, and the aerospace engineer had her in stitches, animatedly telling stories of the three friends growing up.

She was also someone Lexa respected immensely—especially after hearing the adversity Raven had faced in her young adult life. Not even sixteen years old, Raven had been involved in a hit and run while she was biking home from the library one day that had left limited mobility in her left leg. She’s had to wear a brace ever since—but she didn’t let her leg or the trauma she went through define her.

“We all have battle scars,” Raven had said. “Sometimes all you can do is suck it up and build a brace for yours.”

That had resonated with Lexa—and she found herself admiring not only Raven more, but Clarke and Octavia as well, when Raven had told her all about how the two friends were there for her from the very beginning. When she woke up in the hospital, when she had to go through rehab—on the worst days, they were always there.

“You’ll get used to it,” Lincoln said from behind her, grabbing some wine glasses from the cabinet.

“Hmm?” Lexa asked, turning around to face him.

“The three of them,” he said. “Their friendship—you’ll get used to it. I’ve never seen three people so in sync with each other. It’s crazy.”

Lexa laughed, nodding her head. “I think it’s really cool,” she commented. “It was…a tad overwhelming at first, though.”

Lincoln chuckled, nodding his head. “Yeah but pretty soon it’ll be a normal thing for you,” he said. “That’s what it was like for me.”

Lexa felt something in her stomach churn at her friend’s words—they implied that she would be around long enough to get used to it.

The doorbell knocked her out of her reverie, and she heard Octavia and Raven cheering as Clarke opened the door.

“That means the pizza is here,” Lincoln said, rolling his eyes. “They cheer every time.”

Lexa just laughed, following Lincoln back out to the dining room where the three friends each had a piece of pizza in their hands, bickering about what movie to watch.

“The first one!”

“No, the third one!”

“I want to watch the last one!”

Lincoln just sighed, shaking his head as he sat down on the recliner chair, grabbing his own slice while he sat back and waited for them to choose a movie.

Octavia and Raven continued to argue while Clarke looked up, smiling softly at Lexa and patting the space on the couch next to her. Grinning, Lexa walked over and sat down, grabbing a piece of pizza with one hand and placing her other arm on the couch behind Clarke, choosing to stay out of the surprisingly heated debate that was ensuing next to her.

Clarke leaned into her, and Lexa brought her arm down more to rest against Clarke’s shoulders.

“Are we ok?” Lexa asked softly.

The artist nodded her head, taking a bite of her own pizza.

“We’re ok.”

Those words filled Lexa’s chest with something warm, and she situated herself more comfortably on the couch, enjoying the pizza in her hand and the girl under her arm.

* *

“So when do I get to meet this girl you’ve been dating?”

Lexa scowled, taking back the plate of food Anya had stolen from her.

“We’re not _dating_ ,” Lexa replied. “And this is _my_ bacon.”

Anya rolled her eyes and plucked another piece of bacon off of her best friends plate, ignoring Lexa’s grumble of displeasure.

“Haven’t you been dating for like, the past two months?” Anya pointed out. “You’ve been out a bunch of times already.”

Lexa got up, opening her fridge and grabbing the eggs and bacon. She turned the stove back on, cracking some eggs in a pan and putting bacon in another for Anya.

“We’ve gone on dates, but we’re not dating,” Lexa said, shrugging. “We’re just…having fun.”

Anya hummed, taking a sip of coffee from Lexa’s mug, ignoring her friend’s dirty look. 

“That sounds dumb,” she stated. “Also, make me some toast too.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, but nevertheless placed two pieces of bread in the toaster, before turning her attention back to the stove.

“It’s not dumb,” Lexa replied. “We only just met two months ago, anyways.”

“Clarke isn’t Costia, you know,” Anya said, shaking her head. “Not every girl is going to screw you over like she did.”

“I know that,” Lexa snapped.

She shook her head, as if to rid herself thoughts of her college girlfriend who ended up cheating on Lexa and subsequently breaking a young Lexa Wood’s heart.

“You have to stop letting what happened in the past with Costia dictate your future happiness,” Anya said, shaking her head. “You always do this.”

“Do what?” Lexa asked, plating the food and sliding it over to Anya, who immediately dug into her own breakfast.

“You meet a girl, you date a girl, you don’t commit to a girl, and then it’s over,” Anya answered. “And then you repeat.”

“I don’t see how that’s a problem,” Lexa said, sitting back down in front of her own breakfast. “As long as I’m up front with not wanting a relationship.”

Anya took a bite of her eggs and then pointed her fork at Lexa, eyes narrowing.

“Yeah but see, what happens when you actually like a girl and you’ve already pulled the whole ‘casual dating’ thing?” Anya asked. 

Lexa shrugged, finishing up her breakfast. “Well that hasn’t happened yet, so.”

Anya was silent as she ate a piece of bacon, before shaking her head. “Yeah, but I’d hate for it too be too late when it does happen,” she said. “And it seems like you really like this girl.”

“How can you tell?” Lexa asked, curious as to what her best friend saw.

“Umm…maybe because when she spends the night, you don’t immediately kick her out the next morning?” Anya said. “And I literally caught you drawing hearts around next Friday on your calendar to remind yourself of your next date with her.”

Lexa sighed. “No relationship means no heartbreak,” she said.

“Falling in love is inevitable, Lex,” Anya said, shaking her head. “Not really something you can control. Choosing to start an actual, real, adult relationship—that’s something you can do.”

“Yeah well, I don’t do relationships,” Lexa replied, shrugging. “Clarke knows that, and she says that’s fine.”

Anya raised an eyebrow in question, finishing off her coffee. “But is it?”

* *

_With pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks_

* *

**_Eight months ago_ **

“So she did climb the tree, but she also got stuck and I had to call the fire department to help get her down.”

Lexa groaned as Clarke continued to laugh heartily, while Anya just smirked and took a sip of her water. 

“Oh, don’t sulk babe,” Clarke said, giving Lexa a pat on the cheek. “That was a funny story!”

“Yeah, for you!” Lexa retorted, her cheeks turning a slight shade of red at the name Clarke had used for her.

She knew Anya noticed as well, staring at Lexa with her eyebrow raised in question. 

“Thank you for telling me these stories, Anya,” Clarke said. “Lexa likes to pretend she’s so cool and charming, but I knew she was actually a major dork.”

Anya snorted into her salad, and Lexa scowled.

“I am _not_.”

“Your very extensive comic book collection would beg to differ,” Anya quipped, smirking as Clarke started laughing again and Lexa’s face flushed, glaring at her best friend.

Anya shrugged at her friend’s look. “You shouldn’t have invited me to dinner if you didn’t want me to tell embarrassing stories,” she said.

Lexa glared even harder at her friend, scowling. “I didn’t! You went into my calendar and just showed up to where we were eating.”

“You have no proof,” Anya replied. “Besides, I wouldn’t have had to do that if you would just bring Clarke around more often.”

“I didn’t want you to scare her away with your crazy,” Lexa shot back.

Clarke smiled, placing her hand on Lexa’s thigh under the table. “Don’t worry, she didn’t scare me away,” the artist said. “If anything, I can finally ask what I’ve been dying to know.”

Lexa ignored Anya’s triumphant grin, instead turning her attention towards Clarke.

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

Clarke grinned, turning to Anya as she gave Lexa’s leg a squeeze. “Did Lexa have glasses lenses this thick as a kid too? Because if so, I really need to see pictures. Like, immediately. I kind of picture her as an owl, with freakishly large green eyes.”

Anya laughed, before pulling out her phone and eagerly unlocking it.

“Let me show you the picture I use for her contact ID, it’s from when we were in fifth grade…”

Lexa groaned, but the smile on her face showed she wasn’t truly annoyed. She simply sat back, watching Clarke and Anya bond—not even minding too much that it was at her expense.

“And then in high school, she had these sports goggles because she was on the soccer team…”

* *

“I mean, the pay gap is so ridiculous, I don’t even think I have the sufficient words to describe how much,” Octavia said.

Lexa and Octavia were walking down the hallway from the conference room, where they had just had their weekly staff meeting to pitch new story ideas and update one another with where they were at for the week.

“Well, I’d really like for you to try,” Lexa said, nudging her friend. “Otherwise we won’t have a story to run.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Octavia replied. “Obviously, I’m going to write the shit out of that story. But it makes me so angry.”

“True, but at least we’re talking about it,” Lexa responded. “That’s more than you can say for—”

Lexa’s voice cut off as the two turned into Octavia’s office, finding a blonde haired girl draped across the sports editor’s chair, her legs resting atop Octavia’s desk, lazily flipping through a magazine.

“Ahh, just what I’ve always wanted,” Octavia said through her grin, stepping into her office. “A hot blonde waiting for me in my office.”

Clarke snorted, dropping her feet onto the ground and putting the magazine back on the desk.

“Please, you had your chance sophomore year of college,” Clarke said, standing up and stretching her arms above her head.

The slight sliver of skin that showed when Clarke’s shirt rose up was almost enough to distract her from the words the artist had just said.

“Wait, what?” Lexa asked, looking between the two best friends.

Octavia scoffed, stepping around Clarke and sitting down in her chair, rolling back towards the desk.

“She’s talking about the time I was sleeping very soundly in our dorm room—”

“You had smoked a bunch of weed with Monty and Jasper and knocked out.”

“—and Clarke came in, stripped all of her clothes off, and climbed in bed with me—”

“I was drunk, ok?!”

“—and we both woke up in the morning very confused and a little turned on.”

Clarke laughed, walking over towards where Lexa was still frozen in the doorway and dropped a kiss on her cheek in greeting.

“That is not even remotely true,” Clarke stated, turning back towards her friend.

Octavia just shrugged, not looking up from her laptop as she typed something out.

“You’ve got fantastic boobs, Clarke,” she replied. “Like, top shelf. Good earth cleavage.”

Octavia smirked as Clarke just laughed, shaking her head before grabbing Lexa’s hand, who was still gaping as she looked between the two friends.

“That’s for your lunch,” Clarke said, gesturing to the paper bag that was sitting on the corner of Octavia’s desk.

“Thank you!” Octavia called after them as they moved down the hallway towards Lexa’s office.

Clarke led the way, entering Lexa’s office and closing the door, grinning as she turned around.

Clarke tugged gently on Lexa’s tie so their faces were inches apart. “I brought you something to eat too,” she said, before closing the gap between them and connecting their lips.

She felt Clarke open her mouth slightly, and Lexa took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, moving her hand from Clarke’s elbow to cup her cheek. Her hands crept under the artist’s sweater, grazing the skin above her jeans, feeling more than hearing Clarke’s moan. She could feel Clarke smiling into the kiss, and she couldn’t help but smile too, both of them breaking apart with a small laugh.

“Clarke, at my place of work?” Lexa asked breathlessly, wiggling her eyebrows teasingly.

Clarke laughed again, before looping her fingers through Lexa’s suspender straps and pulling the other girl towards the couch that Lexa had along one of the walls in her office. The artist quickly spun them around, giving the other girl a light push as the back of Lexa’s knees hit the couch, causing her to sit down.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Woods,” Clarke said, picking up a paper bag she had dropped next to the couch. “I brought you lunch.”

Lexa rubbed her hands together, grinning up at the other girl before reaching for the bag and pulling out a box containing a hot pastrami sandwich.

“Oooh, from my favorite sandwich shop,” Lexa commented, practically moaning as she opened the container and took a bite of the sandwich. “You’re gonna eat lunch with me, right?”

Clarke was silent for a moment, before giving Lexa a soft smile and sitting on the couch next to Lexa. She pulled out another sandwich from her own bag, and the two both relaxed back into the couch, a seemingly permanent smile on Lexa’s face as the two of them talked about their days so far.

“And then I accidentally stepped _in_ the bucket of paint, which I really don’t remember putting next to the canvas—”

Lexa couldn’t help herself—she leaned over and dropped a kiss on the corner of Clarke’s mouth, causing the artist to pause in her story.

“What was that for?” Clarke asked, an amused smile on her face.

Lexa shrugged, putting her arm around Clarke’s shoulders and pulling the other girl closer into her side.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she replied. “Continue with your story please?”

Clarke gave her a look—one Lexa couldn’t decipher—before nodding her head and launching back into her story.

“And of course while I’m hopping around with one paint covered shoe in my hand and the other on my foot, my advisor decides to stop by with a few potential buyers...”

* *

“I’m so tired,” Clarke groaned, flopping onto the bed face first.

Lexa laughed, putting down the printouts of the new layout she was proofreading. She reached over and rubbed small circles against Clarke’s back, smiling as Clarke let out a satisfied moan.

“Long day?” she asked.

Clarke sighed, before turning her head, her blue eyes peering up at Lexa.

“Just the usual stress,” Clarke replied, stretching her arms out before letting them fall on the bed again. “I’ve been working all day on this one piece and I just can’t seem to get the hang of it.”

Lexa hummed, nodding her head as she continued to gently rub Clarke’s back.

“What can I do to help?” Lexa asked, scooting closer.

Clarke closed her eyes, letting out another soft sigh. “Mmm, you’re doing it,” she answered, smiling.

Lexa sat up, turning around and swinging her leg over Clarke’s back so she was straddling the other girl. She ran her hands up and down Clarke’s back, slowly kneading at the knots she felt. She reached Clarke’s neck, bending down to drop a soft kiss against it. 

She felt Clarke shift underneath her, and she trailed more kisses across the back of Clarke’s next, pausing as Clarke giggled when she reached the artist’s ear.

“Lexa,” Clarke breathed out, chuckling as Lexa buried her face in the side of Clarke’s neck, dropping a series of kisses around Clarke’s ear, knowing the other girl was ticklish there.

“You know what we should do?”

Clarke squirmed until Lexa lifted up slightly, allowing the other girl to flip over so Lexa was straddling her hips, hands resting on Clarke’s stomach.

“Sex?” Clarke asked, resting her hands on Lexa’s waist.

Lexa snorted, shaking her head. “No—well, yes,” she said, smiling. “But first we should order a pizza and watch the food network.”

Clarke smiled, sitting up and leaning forward, peppering Lexa’s face with kisses.

“That sounds amazing,” Clarke whispered, before capturing Lexa’s lips with her own.

Lexa closed her eyes, feeling Clarke take her bottom lip between her own as their lips molded together. She felt Clarke’s tongue enter her mouth, and she pulled Clarke even closer, until their bodies were pressed together. She moaned into the kiss, moving her hands to Clarke’s back, sliding them under the artist’s shirt.

Clarke pulled back, only to tug on Lexa’s shirt. She got the hint, and pulled it up and over her head, before reaching over and removing Clarke’s shirt as well. Lexa kissed along Clarke’s jaw, moving down to her neck and her chest, leaving a mark just above Clarke’s breast.

“How about sex and then pizza?” she heard Clarke breathe out.

Lexa made her way back up to Clarke’s jaw, trailing kisses until she reached the other girl’s mouth again, reconnecting their lips.

“Deal,” she murmured against Clarke’s mouth.

“Deal,” Clarke repeated.

She smiled into the kiss before deftly flipping them so she was hovering over Lexa now. Lexa grinned up at the other girl as Clarke trailed her fingers down Lexa’s naked chest. 

“And suddenly, I’m not so tired.”

* *

_Tell her how you must've lost your mind, when you left her all alone and never told her why_

* *

**_Six months ago_ **

“Lexa Woods.”

“Hi Ms. Woods, I’m calling about a potential ad space in your magazine?”

Lexa sat up straighter in her chair, smiling as she recognized the voice coming through the phone.

“Oh really? And what type of ad are you seeking to publish, ma’am?” she asked, leaning back in her chair and swinging her feet up on the desk.

“Artist seeking a muse type of thing,” Clarke replied.

Lexa smiled even wider, not even caring that people walking by her window on their lunch break would probably find it weird for the “Commander” to be smiling like an idiot into their phone.

“I think it would help if you were a little more specific on the type of muse you’re looking for, ma’am,” Lexa said as seriously as she could through the grin she was sporting.

“Hmmm…specifics, huh?” Clarke repeated. “Ok, must have brown hair, green eyes, and know how to rock a pair of suspenders.”

“Sounds like someone hot,” Lexa responded, wiggling her eyebrows despite knowing Clarke couldn’t see her.

“Also, must cry at Disney movies,” Clarke continued.

“Ok, you cried during Up too, Clarke!” Lexa blurted, leaning forward. “And also, if you don’t cry at the beginning of that movie then you are most definitely a robot. It’s fucking sad, Clarke!”

Clarke’s melodic laugh filtered through the phone, making Lexa smile again.

“So, did you just call me at work to mess with me?” Lexa teased once Clarke’s laughter died down.

“Yes,” Clarke replied.

Lexa let out a laugh, planting her feet back on the ground.

“Also, I need a plus one for an art event tonight and I decided to ask the best dressed person I know,” Clarke continued.

“Best dressed, hmm?” Lexa asked, opening the calendar on her laptop and double-checking to make sure she didn’t have any conference calls or meetings set up for that night.

“Yes, and Raven is busy doing whatever aerospace engineers do, so you’ll have to do,” Clarke said, voice serious.

Lexa chuckled, nodding her head as she saw that her evening was free.

“Well I’m honored that I was your second choice, Clarke,” she said. “And I very humbly accept your invitation.”

It was silent for a moment, before she heard Clarke speak again.

“Yeah?”

“Yes,” Lexa replied firmly. “What time should I be ready?”

“I’ll pick you up at seven?” Clarke asked.

“I’ll see you then, gorgeous,” Lexa responded.

This time the silence lasted for a few more seconds before Clarke’s voice filled the speaker once more.

“I’m excited to see you, Lexa.”

Lexa smiled, covering her mouth with her hand as if to contain the large smile that seemed to be permanently on her face while she was talking to the other girl.

“I’m really excited to see you too, Clarke,” she said.

“Bye, Lex.”

“Goodbye, Clarke.”

Lexa hung up, grinning at nothing, before abruptly standing up and making her way out of her office and down the hall to Octavia’s.

“Are you going to Clarke’s art thing tonight?” Lexa asked, not bothering to knock on the door before she entered.

“Her showcase? Duh,” Octavia answered, not looking up from her laptop. “She’s only been working on these pieces for the better part of the past year.”

Lexa paused in the doorway, blinking a few times as she turned over the words Octavia had just said in her head.

“Her showcase?”

Octavia finally looked up, pushing her glasses back from where they had been perched on the tip of her nose.

“Yeah, you know, the showcase featuring the best graduate students in the program?” Octavia asked. “The one Clarke was chosen for a few months ago?”

Lexa blinked, frozen in the doorway. Octavia crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair, looking at Lexa.

“She didn’t tell you?” Octavia asked. “It’s kind of a big deal.” The sports editor typed something into her computer, before turning the monitor to face Lexa. “A really big deal, actually. Take a look.”

Lexa stepped fully into her friend’s office, leaning down to look at the flyer Octavia had opened on her laptop. Her eyes scanned the words on the flyer, blinking as she processed the information.

“Featuring Clarke Griffin, When the earth met the sky” was written in bold on the second line of the flyer, and Lexa tried to wrap her head around the fact that Clarke was basically headlining an art show and she didn’t know about it.

“I’m sure it just slipped her mind,” Octavia said, and Lexa looked up to see her friend looking at her with worried eyes. “She’s had a lot going on lately, with graduation coming up and getting ready for the art show.”

“Sure, right,” Lexa said faintly, nodding her head. She backed away from Octavia’s desk, suddenly wanting to be by herself for some reason. “I’ll umm—I’ll see you tonight, then.”

“Wear something nice!” Octavia shouted after her.

Lexa just nodded again, though she had turned the corner and knew Octavia couldn’t see her.

She couldn’t tell what bothered her more—that Clarke didn’t tell her about the showcase, or that Octavia assumed Clarke would have?

Lexa paused on her way back to her office, realizing what the discomfort she felt was.

Clarke was not her girlfriend, and Lexa was the one who made that abundantly clear from the beginning.

She was more uncomfortable with Octavia’s assumption that Clarke would tell Lexa because…that’s what people in a relationship did, right?

And Clarke was not her girlfriend.

* *

_And that's how it works, that's how you lost the girl_

* *

Lexa heard her phone buzz again, and she briefly looked up from her laptop to see the screen light up. Sighing, she turned her attention back to the article she was editing.

It had been about a week since she had last talked to Clarke, and every time she ignored another text asking where she was or if she was ok from the artist, Lexa felt like another weight was being added to her shoulders and a pain in her chest.

She missed Clarke.

But after going to the art show last week with Clarke, it was clear that Lexa had let herself get too deep. It was best to distance herself from the other girl, before Lexa’s heart was broken.

She had felt that before, and it was never something she wanted to go through again.

The buzz of her intercom interrupted her thoughts, and she trudged over to the speaker, hitting the button.

“Yes?”

“Ms. Woods, I have a Clarke Griffin here to see you,” the doorman’s voice filtered through the speaker.

Lexa closed her eyes, leaning her head against the door.

Of course Clarke wouldn’t be satisfied with unread text messages and ignored phone calls.

“Thanks John,” Lexa replied. “Just let her on up.”

“Yes ma’am,” he replied.

Lexa smoothed her shirt down, unbuttoning her sleeves and rolling them up to her elbows. She pulled her tie off of her neck, throwing it on top of the kitchen counter. A knock on her apartment door signaled Clarke’s arrival from the lobby, and she took a deep breathe before waking over to the door and opening it.

“Hey,” Clarke greeted, arms crossed.

“Hi Clarke.”

Lexa opened the door wider and stepped back, and Clarke took the silent signal, stepping into the apartment.

Clarke walked further into the apartment, stopping in front of the couch—the same couch the two of them had cuddled up on just a week ago, watching a movie and attempting to throw popcorn kernels into the other’s mouth.

“What’s up?” Lexa asked, breaking the tense silence that had surrounded them.

Clarke furrowed her brow. “What’s up?” she repeated.

Lexa nodded, and Clarke shook her head.

“What’s up is that I haven’t heard from you all week,” Clarke said. “Is something wrong?”

Lexa shifted her weight, feeling Clarke’s blue eyes boring into her.

Finally, Lexa couldn’t stand the silence any longer.

“I told you I don’t do relationships, Clarke.”

“So…what? You thought we were being too relationship-y and just decided to cut me off?” she asked, using air quotes around the word.

Lexa bristled at Clarke’s tone, suddenly feeling defensive.

“We’re not a couple, Clarke,” Lexa said, crossing her arms. “You’re not my girlfriend.”

Clarke gave a harsh laugh, voice tinged with anger. “What do you think we’ve been doing for the past six months?”

“We said we were having fun,” Lexa said weakly, feeling a sense of doom as she watched Clarke pace back and forth.

“No, _you_ said we were having fun and I agreed,” Clarke replied. “And maybe that means this is on me because I thought—stupidly—that the months after that actually meant more. That maybe we were heading towards a relationship.”

“I didn’t—I don’t—”

“For god’s sake, Lexa! We’ve pretty much been girlfriends without actually putting a label on it for months!” Clarke exclaimed. “I bring you lunch to the office, you bring me soup when I’m sick. Our friends all refer to us as a couple. You freaking planned a vacation for us, months in advance! And you can’t say the word girlfriend?”

Lexa felt anger well up in her, and she stood up, planting her feet defiantly.

“I told you up front that I wasn’t looking for a relationship, Clarke,” she said firmly.

Clarke paused then, turning to face Lexa.

All of Lexa’s defensiveness turned to sadness as she saw Clarke’s blue eyes shimmering with unshed tears. The room was silent, save for the soft music floating through the room from the speakers.

“You’re right,” Clarke finally said, voice soft. “Casual dating, that’s what we agreed on.”

Lexa nodded her head, confused with the direction Clarke’s train of thought seemed to have turned to.

“Except I’m not a casual dater, Lexa,” Clarke continued, shaking her head softly. “And I was stupid to agree to that when I know I’m not. I just—I like you so much and—”

“I like you so much too,” Lexa interjected, taking a step closer and giving Clarke a small smile. She reached out, softly taking Clarke’s hand in her own. “And I just think—”

Clarke gently pulled her hand away from Lexa’s, and the artist furrowed her brow, as Lexa was left grasping nothing but air.

“I fall hard and fast, Lexa,” Clarke replied. “I fall rapidly and hopelessly and maybe that’s reckless and maybe I’m setting myself up for heartbreak. But that’s the only way I know how.”

Lexa clenched her hands, curling her finger into her palms and squeezing in an attempt to diffuse the nervous energy she felt coursing through her body. 

“And I fell so hard, and so fast for you,” Clarke said, letting out a breathy laugh. “But this in between we’ve been living in—I can’t do it anymore, Lex.”

A sense of dread filled Lexa’s chest as she listened to Clarke’s words, a foreign feeling clamping down on her heart, like an icy hand had a vice grip around it, preventing it from beating.

“I want to fall in love completely and wholly, and I want whoever I’m with to fall in love with me too, and I don’t think that’s too much to ask,” Clarke said quietly. “I think I deserve that. And I think you do too.”

“Clarke…don’t—”

“I think we have to end whatever this is we’re doing,” she continued. “Before it’s really too late.”

Lexa didn’t know why she couldn’t get any words out. She couldn’t protest, or tell Clarke that she was wrong, that Lexa _is_ falling for Clarke and maybe if she just had a little bit more time…

“So that’s it, then,” Lexa said, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. She barely recognized her own voice as the next words she said came out a bit strangled, trying to keep her emotions locked down. “You’re breaking up with me?”

Clarke gave Lexa a soft smile—but not the one Lexa was used to, like when Lexa brought her flowers to the studio or surprised her with dinner or went off on a tangent about the nuances of print versus digital or—oh god, Clarke was right.

They _were_ in the relationship.

“Clarke, please just—just give me some more time,” Lexa pleaded, taking a step closer to the other girl. “I can—I can be where you want me to be. Whatever you want—”

Clarke shook her head, holding her hand up to stop Lexa’s words. 

“It’s not about what I want, Lex,” Clarke said, sighing. “It’s what we both want. And those are different things.”

“Clarke, I—”

“Goodbye, Lexa,” Clarke cut her off, giving her a sad smile. 

The blue eyes that had always mesmerized Lexa were glistening with unshed tears, and Lexa couldn’t even react until Clarke stepped forward, closing the gap between them. 

She closed her eyes as she felt Clarke’s lips on her own—the kiss was soft and gentle, reminiscent of their very first kiss in that coffee shop six months ago.

Except this one didn’t hold hope or possibilities—Lexa could feel the tremble of Clarke’s hands, the tear that had escaped from her eyes, the choked sob stuck in her throat.

Lexa felt Clarke pull away and she opened her eyes, hoping that the artist wouldn’t be walking away from her.

“Clarke, wait—”

“Please don’t call me, Lex,” Clarke said softly, giving her another sad smile, before turning around and walking to the door.

Lexa could only stand, frozen in her spot, as the door to her apartment opened and Clarke left without looking back. The quiet click of the door closing reminded Lexa of a punctuation mark at the end of a sentence—it signaled the end.

* *

_And then you say I want you for worse or for better, I would wait for ever and ever, broke your heart I'll put it back together, I would wait for ever and ever_

* *

Lexa shivered, though not from the rain—Clarke’s clothes were toasty warm, and they brought comfort to Lexa as the artist’s scent filled her nose.

Lexa ached being this close to Clarke and not being able to hold her.

“Yeah well, the past six months haven’t exactly been a walk in the park for me either, Lexa,” Clarke said, before her shoulders slumped and she sat down on her couch with a sigh. “I’ve been trying to get over someone I finally realized I never really had in the first place.”

Lexa felt a lump forming in her throat, witnessing the consequences of the way she ended things with Clarke.

Clarke thought Lexa didn't want her.

That was the farthest thing from the truth.

“Clarke, that’s not true—” 

“We just want different things, Lexa,” Clarke said, cutting her off. The artist shook her head in defeat. “And maybe that’s ok. Maybe we’re just supposed to be a chapter in each other’s stories, you know? But the chapter is over, and the next one is trying to start.”

Lexa felt her heart break at Clarke’s words—maybe she was too late. 

Maybe Clarke had moved on. 

But Lexa knew that if she left for a second time without fighting for Clarke, she would regret it for the rest of her life.

“I was scared, Clarke,” Lexa said, her words coming out in a rush. “I was utterly terrified of getting my heart broken. And I decided it was better to not try at all than risk being hurt like that again.”

Lexa walked over to where Clarke was sitting, kneeling in front of the other girl. She tentatively put her hands on top of Clarke’s legs, looking into her favorite pair of blue eyes.

“Clarke,” she said softly. “I was an idiot, and I know that I broke your heart, and I know that you said you didn’t want to see me again.”

Lexa tried to clear her throat, her sight becoming blurry as she felt unshed tears welling up in her eyes.

But she could still see Clarke clearly.

It seemed like she could always see Clarke clearly.

But she finally realized that she had never let Clarke see her clearly.

“But if you let me—Clarke, if you give me a second chance,” Lexa continued, blinking back tears. 

She wiped her face with the back of her hand, hoping that despite the way she had treated Clarke, that she still qualified in the family and friends category that Clarke showed her above and beyond kindness to.

Clarke’s blue eyes bore into her green ones, the artist’s gaze unwavering. The familiar shade of blue gave Lexa the courage to continue.

“Clarke, I want you,” Lexa said. “I want you for worse or for better. I would wait—forever—if that’s what you need.”

Lexa reached out to wipe a tear that had trailed down Clarke’s cheek, feeling a burst of hope in her chest when Clarke leaned into her touch rather than rejected it.

“I know I broke your heart,” she said softly. “I know that, and I am so sorry, Clarke. But if you let me, I'll try my hardest to put it back together. I just—you might have moved on, or maybe you can’t forgive the way I acted, but I came here to tell you all this because I have nothing to lose and absolutely _everything_ to gain.”

She brushed her thumb against Clarke’s cheek, giving the other girl a watery smile.

“Because Clarke—you _are_ everything. And I am so sorry I didn’t see that before,” Lexa finished.

She watched as Clarke closed her eyes, before moving slowly and resting her forehead against Lexa’s.

“You really hurt me, Lexa,” Clarke whispered.

Lexa felt as if her whole body was tired, and she brought her hands up to cup Clarke’s face, her own eyes closing as she simply relished in the feeling of Clarke being close to her again.

“I know,” she whispered back.

“We can’t just go back to the way we were,” Clarke continued softly. “I don’t—I don’t _want_ to go back to the way we were.”

“Whatever you want Clarke, however you’ll have me,” Lexa replied. “I just want to be with you. I just want to make you happy.”

Clarke sighed, before leaning back and opening her eyes. She pressed her lips to Lexa’s forehead, murmuring against her skin. 

“I missed you, Lex.”

“I missed you so much,” Lexa said back, opening her eyes. She met Clarke’s stare, voice soft but sure. “Please give me a second chance. I promise I won’t need a third.”

* *

_And that's how it works, it’s how you get the girl_

* *

**_Six Months Later_ **

“Babe? What’s taking so long?”

Lexa hurriedly scooped as much popcorn back into the bowl as she could, hearing Clarke’s footsteps grow louder as she got closer and closer to the kitchen.

“Shit,” she murmured under her breath, barely having time to place the bowl on the counter before Clarke appeared in the doorway.

She grinned sheepishly as Clarke leaned against the island in the kitchen, eyebrow raised with an amused smiled on her face. 

“Maybe you should have been on dvd duty and I should have made the popcorn,” Clarke said, looking pointedly at the treat that was littered across the floor.

“Ok, the bag is seriously hot and the fumes were hot when I opened the bag and obviously my first reaction was to drop the very hot item in my hand,” Lexa explained, standing up straight.

Clarke laughed, reaching out and pulling Lexa closer by the band of her sweatpants. 

“You’re cute,” Clarke said fondly, before connecting their lips in a soft, gentle kiss.

Lexa gladly reciprocated, wrapping her arms around Clarke and pulling her girlfriend in closer.

“I like this,” she declared when the two broke apart, reaching up and brushing a few stray hairs behind Clarke’s ear.

“Like what?” Clarke asked, moving around Lexa to the cupboard. She located another bag of popcorn and placed it in the microwave, hitting the correct button.

“You being here all the time,” Lexa answered, placing her hands on Clarke’s hips from behind and pulling her girlfriend back into her front.

Clarke hummed, reaching up to place her hand on the back of Lexa’s head. “Well, it’s a good thing we decide to move in together then, huh?” she asked, turning her head slightly to place another kiss on Lexa’s lips.

Lexa smiled, which made Clarke smile into the kiss too, and the couple broke apart with matching grins on their faces.

“I love you,” Lexa said, burying her face in the side of Clarke’s neck.

She felt Clarke turn her head and place a lingering kiss on her cheek, a full smile still on her girlfriend’s face. “I love you too,” Clarke replied softly.

The beep of the microwave startled the couple out of their bubble, and Clarke moved forward to remove the bag, opening it and pouring its contents into a bowl she grabbed from the cupboard.

“Come on, let’s Netflix and chill,” she said, grabbing Lexa’s hand and leading her back out to the living room.

Lexa snorted, sitting down next to Clarke on the couch, placing her arm around the other girl’s shoulders.

“Clarke, you know that doesn’t mean just watch a movie?” Lexa asked. “It basically means inviting someone over to have sex.”

Clarke shrugged, throwing some popcorn into her mouth before holding some up to Lexa’s. She obliged, opening her mouth, chewing down happily on the snack as Clarke threw some into her mouth.

“Who says we can’t do both?” Clarke asked, turning to look at Lexa.

The two stared at one another, one with a feigned look of innocence and the other a look of concentration, trying to figure out if her girlfriend just asked if she wanted to have sex.

Clarke turned her attention back to the screen with a smug look on her face as Lexa shook her head, realizing her girlfriend had started the movie.

Chuckling, she pulled Clarke in a little closer, grinning when one of Clarke’s hands ended up under Lexa’s shirt, caressing the skin between her sweatpants and shirt.

“You’re trouble, Griffin,” Lexa said, smiling.

“You already gave me a key,” Clarke replied. “No take backs. You’re pretty much stuck with me forever and ever.”

Lexa just turned her head, placing a lingering kiss on the side of Clarke’s head.

“Forever and ever,” Lexa repeated, smiling. 

* *

_And that's how it works, that's how you got the girl_

**Author's Note:**

> Have any other songs you want to see a Clexa one shot based off of? Message me on tumblr and I'll see what I can do: onebigroughdraft.tumblr.com


End file.
